King Kong (1976)

About the only saving graces of this piece of gorilla dung are: A) Jessica Lange actually does a pretty good Marilyn Monroe, and B) Seeing the movie now provides some unintentional emotional oomph: Kong is actually drawn into Manhattan by the primal lure of the World Trade Center. Whose idea was it for Kong to […]

The New World

Why didn’t I know better? Although I stand apart from nearly all (it seems) critics and fellow cineastes, I hated Terrence Malick’s Badlands, Days of Heaven, and Thin Red Line. And The New World is, of course, more of the same. The problem isn’t necessarily the pacing, although it is indeed punishingly slow. It’s partly […]

Nine Songs

Explicit in more ways than one: surprisingly, the theme is pretty much spelled out in voiceover in the first sequence. A man reflects on a past relationship in terms of concerts they went to together and the arc of their sexual life. I can only speak for myself, but those are exactly the kinds of […]

Fantastic Four

Did they learn nothing from Spider-Man 2, clearly the pinnacle of the superhero genre (and I will fight a Marvel Team-Up with anybody that dares disagree with me)? FF is an aggressively stupid series of one missed opportunity after another. It just narrowly escapes one star by making me laugh a handful of times. And […]

Spam Poem No. 3: “General Flood”

General Flood thank god I’m back now Important question did you hear about this general flood you won’t believe this bereavement entering the line of populations if left after flooding is it, Will it work out? conditions will be hard as nails A spell by ballistics shrewd may aim some hey girl gunfight uproarious Ten […]

Only in New York, Pt. II

INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY Crowded Upper East Side coffee shop. A older male patron enters and approaches a hipster with a laptop. PATRON: Excuse me, is this seat taken? HIPSTER: Uh, my friend is coming… PATRON: Well, don’t worry, I have a small ass which doesn’t take up too much room. And… scene.

King Kong (1933)

The original King Kong gets points for being so drenched with subtext you can swim in it. But whenever Kong isn’t on screen it’s dreadful.

Only in New York, Pt. II

INT: POST OFFICE – DAY A bustling morning at the Post Office. POSTAL EMPLOYEE: Next! A PATRON walks up to the counter. PATRON: Christmas stamps, please. POSTAL EMPLOYEE: Do you want the religious or the other ones? PATRON: (with great conviction) I am a Catholic! And… scene.

Willfully Ignorant Design

A profoundly depressing statistic from today’s New York Times: “According to a CBS News poll last month, 51 percent of Americans reject the theory of evolution, saying that God created humans in their present form. And reflecting a longstanding sentiment, 38 percent of Americans believe that creationism should be taught instead of evolution, according to […]

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