The Dork Report for May 31, 2006

  • Wow, both sides of the isle are getting the axe. Adobe will nix Macromedia Freehand in favor of Illustrator and Adobe GoLive in favor of Dreamweaver. My belove-to-hate Macromedia Fireworks, however, lives for now. Also of note is this article about merging the two massive sites, even though it uses made-up words like “architected.”
  • Computers take the mystery out of Mona’s voice and smile. (guest submission from Priceless Work of Art Andrea)
  • I’m Level Five, if I do say so myself, with occasional and hopefully rare incidences of Level Four. (guest submission from Dave)
  • Another group lays claim to the Holy Land. (guest submission from Dave)
  • Robin has two mommies. Hooray for diversity in popular media, but imagine having to explain this one to your 8-year-old reading his first comic book. (guest submission from Secret Identity Rainbow Andrea)
  • Spider-Man comes to town, and he’s brought his alien symbiote buddy with him. (guest submission from Fairweather Comic Dork Andrea)

The Dork Report for May 30, 2006

  • Stock photography cliches. They missed the ubiquitous asian guy with glasses who was everywhere during the dot-com boom.
  • Woooooo… creepy. (spotted on Fortean Times)
  • More awesome weirdness. (spotted on Fortean Times)
  • Gary Trudeau does in the funny pages what should be on the front.
  • The first Lost action figure is Charlie pulling a Night of the Hunter. And just as an aside, remember when action figures were poseable?
  • Decepticons got they ass kicked, Transformas still old-skool like Coke Classic. (guest submission from Dave)
  • A part useful, part nonsense Lost flowchart. (guest submission from Everything is Connected Andrea)
  • Picturehouse President Bob Berney tells the Boston Globe: “I don’t think the audience cares how the film is financed or distributed.” Well, duh! But at least somebody from Hollywood apparently gets that.
  • The official Snakes on a Plane site launches a new “Snake Kit” feature… but you have to cough up your name, email, and birthdate!
  • AppleInsider reports on Adobe Apollo. Good news: Adobe claims it won’t merge Flash Player and Adobe Reader, as originally threatened. Bad news: looks like the corporate concept of Flash as online application development platform prevails still. In other words, it’s being positioned further away from interactive designers (that is to say, me) and even more towards software engineers and programmers.
  • Forget Batman vs. Superman or Jesus vs. Elvis, here’s the real contest: Neo vs. Robocop, Clint & Yoda.
  • Brian Eno is on the upcoming Roxy Music album after all?
  • The head of music at Virgin Megastores is going around telling people vinyl is outselling cds on new releases.

X-Men III: The Last Stand

X-Men 3 The Last Stand movie poster


God help me, but I agree with Harry Knowles’ review. Sometimes you need a fanboy to point out what’s wrong with a movie crafted for fanboys. He picked up on the absurdly sensitive Wolverine, the important Phoenix backstory cursorily related in hammy exposition, and the sudden and arbitrary shifts from day to night. But the worst crime of all is that the movie is actually boring; a mere ninety minutes seemingly stretched to what felt like 2-plus hours.

Also bothering me: why on earth was X-Men III: The Last Stand such a massive hit? Not just the question of general quality, but also the fact that it’s set in a densely self-referential world comprehensible only to dorks that read the comics as kids (cough, cough), or at least to moviegoers who happen to remember the first two installments really well. Perhaps the answer is as simple as it being a holiday weekend with no real competition in theaters, but still, it must have been off-putting and mystifying to mere mortals.

It’s tempting to blame the whole mess on jobbing director Brett Ratner, but if Bryan Singer had still been involved, would the script have been any different?

Mission: Impossible III

Mission Impossible III movie poster


A series of disconnected thoughts:

I rue the day Terminator 2 (aka “T2”) came out and was a big hit; now every pre-ordained blockbuster comes abbreviated: ID4, LXG, AVP, X3, and now of course M:I:III.

Like most summer action blockbusters, M:I:III is at first enjoyably preposterous but quickly becomes exhausting. Although the plot is incredibly complex, it has no throughline to thread it all together; it’s a series of sequences.

M:I:III is capped off with a truly terrible song by Kanye West. Of course it’s hard to top the version by U2’s rhythm section, but the producers could have covered themselves by picking somebody with a little more edge.

Like Michael Jackson, it’s now almost impossible to watch Tom Cruise perform without his public persona coloring everything. On the other hand, he’s nothing if not intense, so perhaps that works in his favor here.

The Dork Report for May 25, 2006

The Dork Report for May 24, 2006

The Dork Report for May 23, 2006

The Dork Report for May 19, 2006