The Dork Report for July 12, 2006

  • The 2006 Bulwer-Lytton Prize winner Jim Guigli: (guest submission from femme fatale Andrea)

    “Detective Bart Lasiter was in his office studying the light from his one small window falling on his super burrito when the door swung open to reveal a woman whose body said you’ve had your last burrito for a while, whose face said angels did exist, and whose eyes said she could make you dig your own grave and lick the shovel clean.”

  • Jeffrey Zeldman puts designers’ everyday frustrations into perspective.
  • Don’t mess with Joey the flesh-eating ‘roo. (guest submission from hippity-hoppity Jill Andrea)
  • More Hoff: Secret Agent Man. Amazingly, just as in his last video classic Get Into My Car, his massive ego appears to have kept him filmed in separation from the scantily glad girls again. (guest submission from Bond Girl Andrea)
  • Snakes on a Plane:
    • Snakes on a book: a love letter to New Line.
    • A couple of well-scrubbed young hotties distract Dept. of Homeland Security employees and Bring It.
    • Esquire takes a sober look: “It’s not a bad movie that’s accidentally good, and it’s not a good movie that’s intentionally bad; it’s a disposable movie that people can pretend to like ironically, even though a) it’s not ironic and b) they probably won’t like it at all.”
  • Japanese tv has the answer: what to do if you have too much stuff, complete with anachronistic brassy calypso score. (guest submission from Dave)
  • Thousands of layoffs? Note to self: now is not the time to send AOL your resume.
  • Futuro Mash-Up. (guest submission from DJ Andrea)
  • How much Rock will $699 buy? How about all 10 Led Zeppelin studio albums remastered on 45rpm, 12" single-sided vinyl. As standard lps are 33rpm and double-sided, this comes to a whopping 48 records of glorious songs about ringwraiths and fucking!

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