Superman Returns

Superman Returns movie poster

 

It’s prob­a­bly my own fault for buy­ing into the hype, but Super­man Returns left me cold. There’s not a lot of drama implicit in the story of an omnipo­tent alien from another planet, and I just can’t buy the “god walks among us” metaphors. Spider-Man is a real, trou­bled human being bur­dened with great respon­si­bil­ity; Bat­man is a human being wracked with guilt and obsessed with revenge; Dare­devil is a lit­er­ally bro­ken man over­com­pen­sat­ing for far more than just his dis­abil­ity. With Super­man, it’s just plain hard to relate to an alien, even if he suf­fers such petty human prob­lems as unre­quited love.

An obvi­ous point of con­flict is con­spic­u­ously absent: instead of any jeal­ousy or anger from Richard White (James “Cyclops” Mars­den), he sim­ply acquieses to his roman­tic rival. It’s more like Super­man to be above & beyond mere mor­tal jeal­ousy; what makes White so noble? Per­haps he’s intim­i­dated by Superman’s sheer potency. Just as the char­ac­ter is defined by nepo­tism (he’s the Daily Planet’s editor-in-chief’s son), Mars­den is Bryan Singer’s X-Man star who was con­spic­u­ously erased very early in Brett Ratner’s X3. Hmm…

Another dis­ap­point­ment: whereas Spider-Man 2 exuded a strong sense of New York, Super­man Return’s fic­tional Metrop­o­lis is a blank, generic city with­out char­ac­ter. It’s a time­less locale — the present, yet nos­tal­gic — where when a super­hero returns from across the galaxy to save them, the cit­i­zens all run out and buy newspapers.

As for the cast, Parker Posey wins for best screen pres­ence. While Kevin Spacey gurns, hams, and scenery-chomps, she scores laughs with mere looks on her face. There was a lot of con­cern over the cast­ing of a rel­a­tively inex­pe­ri­enced for­mer soap star for the lead, but I thought Bran­don Routh was just fine. Kate Bosworth (made up to look like Rachel McAdams), how­ever, is was too young to be plau­si­ble as a star jour­nal­ist with a five-year-old kid, and to be at all appeal­ing to (yes I have to say it again) an omnipo­tent alien from another planet. Points detracted for dull, over­hyped out­takes of Mar­lon Brando’s mum­bled improv bull­shit, and shaft­ing screen leg­end Eva Marie Saint with about 5 min­utes of screen time.

X-Men III: The Last Stand

X-Men 3 The Last Stand movie poster

 

God help me, but I agree with Harry Knowles’ review. Some­times you need a fan­boy to point out what’s wrong with a movie crafted for fan­boys. He picked up on the absurdly sen­si­tive Wolver­ine, the impor­tant Phoenix back­story cur­so­rily related in hammy expo­si­tion, and the sud­den and arbi­trary shifts from day to night. But the worst crime of all is that the movie is actu­ally bor­ing; a mere ninety min­utes seem­ingly stretched to what felt like 2-plus hours.

Also both­er­ing me: why on earth was X-Men III: The Last Stand such a mas­sive hit? Not just the ques­tion of gen­eral qual­ity, but also the fact that it’s set in a densely self-referential world com­pre­hen­si­ble only to dorks that read the comics as kids (cough, cough), or at least to movie­go­ers who hap­pen to remem­ber the first two install­ments really well. Per­haps the answer is as sim­ple as it being a hol­i­day week­end with no real com­pe­ti­tion in the­aters, but still, it must have been off-putting and mys­ti­fy­ing to mere mortals.

It’s tempt­ing to blame the whole mess on job­bing direc­tor Brett Rat­ner, but if Bryan Singer had still been involved, would the script have been any different?

V for Vendetta

V for Vendetta movie poster

 

For all the neg­a­tive buzz regard­ing Alan Moore’s total dis­avowal of the adap­ta­tion, I was sur­prised to find the film kept far closer to the book than I expected. Closer, in fact, than the two other trav­es­ties of Moore’s comics, League of Extra­or­di­nary Gen­tle­men and From Hell. Per­haps not coin­ci­den­tally, it’s bet­ter than both, if by itself still not very good.

It’s impos­si­ble for me to imag­ine how I would have reacted had I not read the book sev­eral times, but I sus­pect I would have had very mixed feel­ings either way. When if comes to movies based on comics, it’s the pre­rog­a­tive of every fan­boy to obsess over “what they changed.” So let me point out a few changes I feel illus­trate how the film­mak­ers either mis­un­der­stood or delib­er­ately warped some key themes that make the book what it is.

First, Evey’s life (and the future Great Britain, for that mat­ter) as seen in the film is in a far less des­per­ate state than in the book. The book opens with her at the absolute end of hope, her par­ents dead and her­self alone, black­listed and unable to sur­vive. She makes a mis­guided and pathetic attempt to pros­ti­tute her­self, runs afoul of the cor­rupt police, and is “saved” (in more ways than one) by V. Her sus­cep­ti­bil­ity to V’s seduc­tion is much more plau­si­ble if she her­self is already a vic­tim of the state. In the film, she’s a rather happy per­son with a reg­u­lar job, and her encounter with V is moti­vated by a redun­dant invented char­ac­ter called Deitrich. Every theme Deitrich rep­re­sents is already cov­ered by the char­ac­ter Valerie (which is, inci­den­tally, lifted almost unal­tered from the book).

But per­haps the biggest devi­a­tion is the very nature of the fas­cist state Great Britain has become. In the book, it’s some­thing that just hap­pens; a form of order that arises out of the chaos fol­low­ing a nuclear world war. In the film, the great soci­etal dis­rup­tion is a con­spir­acy machi­nated by a cabal of shad­owy old white men, who then step in and profit from the recon­struc­tion. Of course, the film­mak­ers are obvi­ously reach­ing for an anal­ogy to the Bush Admin­is­tra­tion, Car­lyle Group, Hal­libur­ton, etc. While that may make the story of the film rel­e­vant to today, it obscures a more pow­er­ful point of the book: it’s far more scary when fas­cism arises out of the com­mon con­sent of the peo­ple, as it did with Nazi Germany.

Fantastic Four

Fantastic Four movie poster

 

Did they learn noth­ing from Spider-Man 2, clearly the pin­na­cle of the super­hero genre (and I will fight a Mar­vel Team-Up with any­body that dares dis­agree with me)? FF is an aggres­sively stu­pid series of one missed oppor­tu­nity after another. It just nar­rowly escapes one star by mak­ing me laugh a hand­ful of times.

And another thing. Jes­sica Alba does noth­ing for me. I see hot­ter women every 10 sec­onds just walk­ing down the street here in NYC. She just has an uncom­monly small waist! But even wear­ing glasses couldn’t help her pull off a line like “The space cloud has fun­da­men­tally altered our DNA!”