Action Figures: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra movie poster

 

It’s tempt­ing to throw up one’s hands in despair that the brow level of source mate­r­ial for movies has dropped this pre­cip­i­tously low. To be fair, trash (escapist or just plain trashy trash) has existed since the very first days of the medium. But cinema’s early con­cep­tion as a the­atri­cal pre­sen­ta­tion made before a paid seated audi­ence asso­ci­ated it with plays, and many early nar­ra­tive silent film­mak­ers looked to plays and lit­er­a­ture for source material.

Over 100 years later, no amount of orig­i­nal mate­r­ial, adap­ta­tion of great works, or repeated remak­ing of other movies could be enough to feed movies’ hunger for story. It took almost 80 years for Hol­ly­wood to draw upon comic books for any­thing beyond cheap seri­als. The suc­cess of Richard Donner’s Super­man (1978) rever­ber­ated for years, lead­ing directly into other seri­ously bud­gets pres­tige pro­duc­tions as Tim Burton’s Bat­man (1989) and War­ren Beatty’s Dick Tracy (1990).

At the risk of sound­ing like a cur­mud­geon, some­thing has changed. Drunk on the pro­ceeds of a sec­ond wave of comics movies (par­tic­u­larly Bryan Singer’s X-Men and X2: X-Men United and Christo­pher Nolan’s Bat­man Begins and Bat­man: The Dark Knight), Hol­ly­wood burned hun­dreds of mil­lions of dol­lars on failed projects based on comics prop­er­ties that even many comics fans might not be ter­ri­bly famil­iar with, includ­ing Tank Girl (1995), Elek­tra (2005), and Jonah Hex (2010). With pop­u­lar comic books exhausted for now, Hol­ly­wood is quickly turn­ing to toys and even from board games (Peter Berg’s Bat­tle­ship and Rid­ley Scott’s Monop­oly are com­ing soon to a the­ater near you).

Lee Byung-hun and Ray Park in G.I. Joe: The Rise of CobraNin­jas: The rea­son 10-somethings played with G.I. Joes and also the rea­son 30-somethings went to see this movie

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is based on the epony­mous line of plas­tic action fig­ures and acces­sories mar­keted to boys in the early 1980s by toy com­pany Has­bro. No doubt it was rushed into pro­duc­tion after the mas­sively lucra­tive suc­cess of Michael Bay’s two Trans­form­ers films, which were based on a con­tem­po­ra­ne­ous toy line. The Rise of Cobra’s crit­i­cal recep­tion was all but assured as soon as it was announced; it was of course widely and justly panned. But I hap­pened to see it in quick suc­ces­sion with Trans­form­ers: Rise of the Fallen and X-Men Ori­gins: Wolver­ine. In such com­pany, it is a mas­ter­piece, if for no other rea­son than its logic is inter­nally con­sis­tent (if stu­pidly implausible).

Although pos­sessed of a cer­tain degree of delib­er­ate camp not seen since Bur­ton and Beatty’s comics-based films, the movie seems bizarrely unaware of spoofs that came before it. Echo­ing the Mys­tery Sci­ence The­ater 3000 theme song, a title card announces the story is set in the “Not too dis­tant future” — which, as any MST3K fan knows, promises lit­tle but cin­e­matic crimes against human­ity. The futur­is­tic set­tling weakly explains away the advanced weapons and trans­port tech­nol­ogy read­ily avail­able to G.I. Joe, an élite transna­tional mil­i­tary force with seem­ingly unlim­ited fund­ing, and its neme­sis Cobra, a ter­ror­ist orga­ni­za­tion enam­ored of tele­con­fer­enc­ing. Tra­di­tional bal­lis­tics are dep­re­cated in favor of cheesy laser blasters that pro­vide for lots of death, all of it blood­less. To be fair, this is rel­a­tively more real­is­tic than the comics and car­toons, where every shot sim­ply missed and nobody was maimed, dis­fig­ured, or killed despite a con­stant state of war. The other major head-slapping moment of cul­tural deaf­ness comes when a major action set piece is staged in Paris, as Cobra dis­in­te­grates the Eif­fel Tower. Does no one involved remem­ber Team Amer­ica: World Police?

Its struc­ture is a strange and con­fi­dent gam­ble; rather than start the story in the mid­dle, with its heroes and vil­lains estab­lished and locked in per­pet­ual bat­tle as in the source mate­r­ial, we start before Cobra even rises. The movie makes plain its inten­tions to set up a fran­chise, not even giv­ing birth to two of its most iconic char­ac­ters until the final moments.

Saïd Taghmaoui and Rachel Nichols and Ray Park in G.I. Joe: The Rise of CobraBody armor works bet­ter if molded with faux breasts and six-packs

The entire movie is designed as one giant ori­gin story hob­bled with numer­ous flash­backs. First off, a pro­logue set in 1641 France fea­tures an ances­tor to Scot­tish weapons dealer James McCullen (Christo­pher Eccle­ston), with lit­tle ben­e­fit beyond pro­vid­ing a fram­ing device. Other flash­backs tell us more about the rivalry between duel­ing nin­jas Snake Eyes (Ray Park) and Storm Shadow (Lee Byung-hun), and the rela­tion­ship between Duke (Chan­ning Tatum), The Baroness (Sienna Miller), and her brother The Doc­tor (Joseph Gordon-Levitt, hilar­i­ously full of him­self in pro­mo­tional inter­views, cit­ing the art of kabuki as his inspi­ra­tion for act­ing much of the film behind a mask). The Baroness and The Doc­tor (not to be con­fused with Eccleston’s most famous role) are sib­lings, Duke dated The Baroness, and was once respon­si­ble for pro­tect­ing the young Doc­tor. Got all that?

None of these tan­gled fam­ily ties fig­ure into the orig­i­nal mythos estab­lished in the 1980s comic books and ani­mated tele­vi­sion series, which existed in ser­vice of pro­mot­ing the toy line. The ancil­lary media pro­vided char­ac­ters and sce­nar­ios for play, all with the aim of inspir­ing kids to want to col­lect the whole set and stage epic bat­tles in their par­ents’ base­ments. The sto­ries pro­vided by mar­keters arguably reduced the ele­ment of imag­i­na­tion in children’s play. But looked at another way, the entire G.I. Joe pack­age could be seen as a large-scale mul­ti­me­dia act of world-building. Over time, the brand accu­mu­lated an epic story with a giant cast, and may have helped set the stage for later ambi­tious seri­al­ized pop­u­lar fic­tion of the 21st cen­tury, like Lost.

The story ulti­mately cen­ters around Duke and his pal Rip­cord (Mar­lon Wayans), imply­ing the film­mak­ers failed to poll fans to find out what exactly it was they found appeal­ing about G.I. Joe as kids. Ask any­one who actu­ally read the comics, watched the car­toons, or played with the toys, and they will tell you Snake Eyes was always the most pop­u­lar char­ac­ter. His unre­quited love for the Joes’ sole female oper­a­tive Scar­lett and com­plex rela­tion­ship with “brother” Storm Shadow pro­vided most of the longest-running sto­ry­lines. Som­mers’ movie min­i­mizes the dis­fig­ured, mute ninja com­mando (despite the per­fect cast­ing of Park, famous as Darth Maul), and inex­plic­a­bly cos­tumed with a mask incor­po­rat­ing a mouth. Scarlett’s affec­tions are here trans­ferred to Rip­cord, and Storm Shadow is more overtly evil, whereas I recall his loy­al­ties being more inter­est­ingly ambigu­ous in the comics. His appar­ent death is an obvi­ous homage to Star Wars: The Phan­tom Men­ace, as is an under­wa­ter sub­ma­rine bat­tle lifted from any num­ber of other George Lucas space bat­tles. In the exact inverse to Storm Shadow, the purely vil­lain­ous Baroness is here trans­formed into a fixer-upper.

Sienna Miller as The Baroness in G.I. Joe: The Rise of CobraMod­el­ling the lat­est in ter­ror­ist fetish­wear is Sienna Miller as The Baroness

One flaw the movie retained from the comics and car­toons: while each “Joe” has a dis­tinct code­name and per­son­al­ity, most of Cobra’s forces are name­less and face­less drones. Indeed, their stormtrooper brains have been sur­gi­cally mod­i­fied to turn them into obe­di­ent zom­bies. Some mea­ger drama is derived from The Baroness’ poten­tial reha­bil­i­ta­tion, but her vil­lainy is defused by mak­ing her another vic­tim of mind con­trol. Lead­ers Destro and Cobra Com­man­der are clas­sic exam­ples of the grotesque fig­ure in lit­er­a­ture — like Gol­lum and Richard III — where phys­i­cal defor­mity is an out­ward expres­sion of evil.

Fol­low­ing the overt racial car­i­ca­tures in Trans­form­ers: Rise of the Fallen, I feared the worst for Mar­lon Wayans as Rip­cord. Indeed, the trailer made a point of high­light­ing his clown­ing around. Sur­pris­ingly, one of the few areas in which the film man­aged to out­per­form expec­ta­tions was its treat­ment of its non-white char­ac­ters. Wayans was given the oppor­tu­nity to be often gen­uinely funny and not nearly as annoy­ing as I sus­pected he might have been. Rip­cord gets real chances to prove him­self, suc­ceeds, and even gets the girl in the end. Fur­ther prov­ing The Rise of Cobra’s bona fides as a sur­pris­ing source of affir­ma­tive action is seen in Saïd Tagh­maoui as the heroic Breaker, finally break­ing out of his ter­mi­nal stereo­typ­ing as a generic Mid­dle East­ern ter­ror­ist / enemy com­bat­ant (q.v. Three Kings, Van­tage Point, and Trai­tor). Now if we could just do some­thing about Cobra being made up of evil Brits, Scots, Japan­ese, and East­ern Europeans.

Why is The Dork Report cov­er­ing G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra now? Well, the trailer for the sequel just dropped, and it’s very inter­est­ing. Whether out of bet­ter sto­ry­telling or tal­ent avail­abil­ity, the large cast of char­ac­ters appears to have been dras­ti­cally scaled back:


Offi­cial movie site: www.gijoemovie.com

Buy the Blu-ray or DVD from Ama­zon and kick back a few pen­nies to The Dork Report.


Mummy’s Boy: The Mummy 3: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

The Mummy 3 Tomb of the Dragon Emperor movie poster

 

Per­haps it was the mood I hap­pened to be in the day I saw it in 1999, but I will freely admit I loved The Mummy, the first film in the lat­ter day incar­na­tion of the 1930s MGM hor­ror fran­chise. In con­cert with Simon West and Jan De Bont’s pair of Tomb Raider films, The Mummy picked up the period-piece action/adventure man­tle left dor­mant since the last Indi­ana Jones in 1989, and per­haps con­tributed to the fedora-clad adventurer’s return for The King­dom of the Crys­tal Skull almost 20 years later. It struck me as exactly what all big-budget action block­busters should aspire to be: good fun, with gen­uinely impres­sive spe­cial effects, thrills, a lit­tle romance, and a few laughs. Not a lit­tle of its charm came from the self-deprecating Bren­dan Fraser, a decid­edly dif­fer­ent kind of char­ac­ter com­pared to the arro­gance and near super­hu­man capa­bil­ity of Lara Croft and Indi­ana Jones.

The fran­chise proved unusu­ally fer­tile, spawn­ing an inevitable sequel (not really ter­ri­ble, but still nowhere near as fun as the orig­i­nal) and even two pre­quels star­ring The Rock: The Scor­pion King and The Scor­pion King 2: Rise of a War­rior. The Mummy 3: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008) came as some­thing of a sur­prise when the series had seemed to have petered out. Orig­i­nal direc­tor Stephen Som­mers had since moved on to G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009), leav­ing it up to Rob Cohen (The Fast and the Furi­ous, Stealth), to see if there was any fresh­ness to be found.

Maria Bello and Brendan Fraser in The Mummy 3: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor“Sorry pal, there’s a mummy on the loose.”

Some time has passed, and Rick (Fraser) and Eve­lyn (Maria Bello) have retired to a staid Eng­lish manse. Eve­lyn earns a liv­ing from trans­form­ing her past adven­tures into the form of a pop­u­lar series of swash­buck­ling adven­ture nov­els, while Rick does, well, noth­ing. Both find their lives unful­fill­ing and yearn to return to adven­tur­ing. The youth­ful Fraser hasn’t even grayed his hair, but if Eve­lyn looks like an entirely new woman, it’s because she is; Bello replaces “think­ing man’s sex sym­bol” Rachel Weisz, who likely had higher aspi­ra­tions. Their son Alex (Luke Ford), now a rogue arche­ol­o­gist in his own right, forms a con­tentious rela­tion­ship with Lin (Isabella Leong), a girl with a con­sid­er­able secret — she and her mother Zi Yuan (Michelle Yeoh) are immor­tal (but she doesn’t seem to have matured her emo­tion­ally or intel­lec­tu­ally over her long life). The slightly fey John Han­nah is back in the role of gen­tle comic relief.

The enemy this time is China itself; the gov­ern­ment con­spires to awaken the cursed Emperor Han (Jet Li), pos­sessed of super­nat­ural pow­ers but encased in stone for all eter­nity. With its mod­ern mil­i­tary at the ser­vice of a super­hu­man immor­tal emperor, China plots noth­ing less than world dom­i­na­tion. The Emperor’s pow­ers also seem to be pretty vaguely defined, and he rarely uses them to best effect. Jet Li rarely appears onscreen in the flesh, lead­ing me to guess he prob­a­bly did a lot of motion-capture work à la Andy Serkis in the Lord of the Rings and King Kong. He spends much of his time made of inde­struc­tible molten rock, but can trans­form into a fierce dragon at will. Nonethe­less, he spends more than a few scenes stand­ing back as his min­ions fall before his foes, when he could sim­ply sweep in and kill every­body when­ever he wanted.

Michelle Yeoh and Isabella Leong in The Mummy 3: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor“Here we go again!”

The movie pro­duces obsta­cles as it goes along, and you have no choice but to shrug as one MacGuf­fin piles up atop another. To wit: a spe­cial dia­mond needed to awaken a mum­mi­fied Chi­nese Emperor, the blood of some­one pure of heart, a drink from Shangri-La, and the sud­den appear­ance of the sole dag­ger capa­ble of killing the revived Emperor. Cap­ping it off is a trio of benev­o­lent yeti, but the Emperor is even­tu­ally defeated with the aid of a lit­eral ghost in the machine: Gen­eral Ming (Rus­sell Wong), van­quished ear­lier by the Emperor. The moral of this story seems to be: the enemy of my enemy is my friend.

Like a lot of con­tem­po­rary effects-oriented fea­tures (includ­ing Watch­men, Sin City, The Spirit), the best thing about it are its excel­lent clos­ing credits.


Offi­cial movie site: www.themummy.com

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A Man Alone: Babylon A.D.

Babylon A.D. movie poster

 

Vin Diesel has made some­thing of a spe­cialty in dystopian sci­ence fic­tion movies pos­sessed of aston­ish­ing visu­als but hor­rif­i­cally bad scripts (I’m look­ing at you, Pitch Black and The Chron­i­cles of Rid­dick). Does he seek these kinds of projects out, or has he been type­cast as a weary but action-ready man of the future? Math­ieu Kassovitz’s Baby­lon A.D. is yet more sci-fi trash with an inter­na­tional feel, not just in the spirit of Diesel’s own oeu­vre, but also very much a direct descen­dent of Luc Besson’s The Fifth Ele­ment. The pres­ence of Michelle Yeoh promises mar­tial arts ass­kick­ing that never really mate­ri­al­izes, and the pro­ceed­ings are given a mea­sure of class by Ger­ard Depar­dieu and Char­lotte Rampling.

Vin Diesel in Babylon A.D.The gog­gles… they do nothing!

The movie pre­dicts an espe­cially bleak future for Europe, wracked by per­pet­ual war and ter­ror attacks that leave the urban land­scape look­ing like Chech­nya and Bosnia. Toorop (Diesel) is a reluc­tant mer­ce­nary war­rior, some­thing like a mas­ter­less ronin from old samu­rai movies. I was pre­pared to like his char­ac­ter until he shoots a dis­armed man in the face and makes a lame Die Hard-like quip. I watched the extended unrated cut on DVD, which may explain why a full 22 min­utes lapses before the hero finally under­takes his task: to escort the genet­i­cally engi­neered girl Aurora (Mélanie Thierry) from the war-torn waste­lands of “New Ser­bia” to New York. The per­sis­tent tone of a-man-alone cyn­i­cism is some­thing else Baby­lon A.D. shares with many of Besson’s anti-heroes, espe­cially the Trans­porter films: Toorop knows he’s being used, but not by whom or why.

Michelle Yeoh and Melanie Thierry in Babylon A.D.

Some of the gen­uinely incred­i­ble shots and sequences to watch for, none of which are reflected in the pro­mo­tional stills:

  • The open­ing sequence is an unbro­ken shot zoom­ing straight down on planet Earth, hom­ing in on Man­hat­tan and into Diesel’s eyeball
  • A 270-degree cam­era move incor­po­rat­ing a CGI heli­copter and an ancient con­vent carved into a stone cliff
  • An estab­lish­ing shot of an unspec­i­fied Russ­ian city built around a giant crater, its ori­gins unex­plained (but a likely allu­sion to the post-WWIII Neo-Tokyo of Kat­suhiro Otomo’s Akira)
  • The entire island of Man­hat­tan lit up with a grossly expanded Times Square and com­pleted Free­dom Towers

The Manhattan of the Future Babylon A.D.The Free­dom Tow­ers dom­i­nate the Man­hat­tan of the future

Movies like Baby­lon A.D. always fall apart at some point, and this one finally suc­cumbs when the refugee party arrives in New York City. Aurora’s father sud­denly mate­ri­al­izes, appar­ently solely to pro­vide a mas­sive info­dump of expo­si­tion. The long, com­pli­cated back­story was barely hinted at before, if at all: Aurora is the prod­uct of an incor­po­rated reli­gion whose CEO and High Priest­ess (Char­lotte Ram­pling) hopes to man­u­fac­ture a mirac­u­lous vir­gin birth. All of this is told, not shown, which only cre­ates frus­tra­tion and con­fu­sion, and lit­tle emo­tional response.


Offi­cial movie site: www.babylonadmovie.com

Buy the Blu-ray or DVD from Ama­zon and kick back a few pen­nies to The Dork Report.


Apocalypse on Wheels: Death Race

Death Race movie poster

 

Death Race evi­dences a cyn­i­cal, shal­low, indis­crim­i­nate out­rage at… every­thing. In this future dystopia, the U.S. econ­omy col­lapsed in 2012, fol­lowed by soar­ing unem­ploy­ment, crime, and incar­cer­a­tion. Echo­ing Roller­ball and Run­ning Man, pro­fes­sional sport has merged with the penal sys­tem, pro­vid­ing both tele­vised enter­tain­ment and a jus­tice sys­tem in one neat, cost-saving package.

In the key inci­dent that illus­trates the extent of this fallen soci­ety, the gov­ern­ment man­u­fac­tures a riot by shut­ting down a man­u­fac­tur­ing plant and lay­ing off all its work­ers. The incited riot­ers make con­ve­nient scape­goats for society’s short­com­ings, ulti­mately ben­e­fit­ting the gov­ern­ment. One of these inno­cent blue-collar labor­ers is Jensen Ames (Jason Statham), a for­mer crook try­ing to make an hon­est liv­ing as a fam­ily man. Like his char­ac­ter Frank in the Trans­porter films, his crim­i­nal forte was dri­ving. Dri­ving very fast. Unjustly impris­oned at Ter­mi­nal Island Pen­i­ten­tiary, he’s made an offer he can’t refuse; die or be drafted into the role of Franken­stein, a masked fic­ti­tious racer in the tit­u­lar Death Race. As with pro­fes­sional wrest­ing vil­lains and the Yan­kees, Franken­stein is a vil­lain per­fectly designed for the pub­lic to root against, and they don’t need to know that the real Franken­stein died long ago.

Jason Statham and Natalie Martinez in Death RaceThis ain’t your daddy’s prison movie

Death Race was orig­i­nally con­ceived as a higher-budgeted vehi­cle for co-producer/star Tom Cruise, but was grad­u­ally down­graded to this video game pas­tiche helmed by Paul W.S. Ander­son. It’s a dubi­ous choice of source mate­r­ial, con­sid­er­ing that the orig­i­nal Death Race 2000 (1975), star­ring David Car­ra­dine and Sylvester Stal­lone, is one of the lesser-known apoc­a­lyp­tic sci-fis of its era. Peers Soy­lent Green, Roller­ball, Logan’s Run, and The Ωmega Man) are all better-known and most were in line to be remade ear­lier. Car­ra­dine makes a voice cameo as the pre­vi­ous bearer of the Franken­stein mantle.

Since The Dork Report is never above point­ing out the crush­ingly obvi­ous, Death Race the film is only a few degrees removed from the “Death Race” it depicts: both are escapist enter­tain­ments built upon bru­tal­ity, sex­ism, and shaky moral ambiva­lence. The osten­si­bly hell­ish Ter­mi­nal Island Pen­i­ten­tiary actu­ally appears rather chaste and peace­ful, mak­ing the sce­nario less dis­taste­ful to audi­ences. Rape is never a worry, and racially moti­vated con­flict is only faintly alluded to by the pres­ence of eth­nic gangs (white suprema­cists are obliquely referred to as “The Broth­er­hood”). The dri­vers’ copi­lots are “Nav­i­ga­tors” recruited from the neigh­bor­ing women’s prison. These stun­ning model-quality lovelies were cherry-picked to tit­il­late by the War­den (Joan Allen), in ser­vice of greater rat­ings. Speak­ing of, Ander­son misses an oppor­tu­nity to sat­i­rize tele­vised sport­ing events as well as The Wachowski Broth­ers’ Speed Racer or even Dodge­ball did.

Jason Statham and Joan Allen in Death RaceGrav­i­tas or Botox?

Death Race is mind­lessly enter­tain­ing enough, until we’re asked to for­give unre­pen­tant mur­derer Machine Gun Joe (Tyrese Gib­son) solely because he lends a hand to our hero Jensen. The logic is con­fused: given an unjust prison sys­tem that exploits the guilty and inno­cent alike, should the guilty also be allowed to walk free? If truly guilty pris­on­ers like Machine Gun Joe are so plen­ti­ful, why does the war­den have to go to the bother of fram­ing inno­cent peo­ple in the first place?

Statham sup­plies his usual per­sona of buff, terse, reluc­tant hero who has no time for girls (seri­ously, what is up with that? Trans­porter 2 even flirts with the notion his char­ac­ter Frank might be gay). Attempts are made to class up the joint with the bizarre mis­cast­ing of Joan Allen, a fine actor that here seems wooden and inex­pres­sive (lit­er­ally so — a case of too much Botox?). Worse is the crim­i­nal waste of the pow­er­fully impos­ing Ian McShane. He was noth­ing less than awe­some in Dead­wood, bring­ing to life a crime lord more inter­est­ing than even Tony Soprano. McShane also ele­vated the short-lived TV series Kings, play­ing his part like he was in Shake­speare while every­one else was trapped in an ele­men­tary school play. But even he can’t do any­thing to res­cue this mess.


Offi­cial movie site: www.deathracemovie.net

Buy the Blu-ray or DVD from Ama­zon and kick back a few pen­nies to The Dork Report.


Christopher Nolan’s Fugue State: Inception

Inception movie poster

 

In his 1999 essay Cel­lu­loid Vs. Dig­i­tal, Roger Ebert cites stud­ies equat­ing the expe­ri­ence of watch­ing a movie to enter­ing a fugue state: “film cre­ates reverie, video cre­ates hyp­no­sis.” In other words, expe­ri­enc­ing a film in the tra­di­tional man­ner, pro­jected at 24 frames per sec­ond in a dark­ened the­ater, affects the brain in a way akin to dream­ing. Incep­tion is far from the first movie set in dreams, but it may be alone in attempt­ing to encode the expe­ri­ence into the archi­tec­ture of a film itself. Whether you com­pare it to onion skins or a puz­zle­box, the form fol­lows the content.

The bar has been set very low by the likes of Avatar, but Incep­tion is finally proof that movies with bud­gets in the hun­dreds of mil­lions need not be moronic and dis­pos­able. Yes, Incep­tion is a sci-fi action movie full of well-tailored out­laws, guns, fight sequences, and explod­ing moun­tain fortresses, but it’s also an intel­li­gent, com­plex expe­ri­ence for adults. If it took a weak remake and two movies about a vig­i­lante in a rub­ber bat cos­tume for Nolan to get here, then so be it.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt in Inception“It’s not, strictly speak­ing, legal.”

Incep­tion is the nat­ural pro­gres­sion from Fol­low­ing, Memento, and The Pres­tige, Christo­pher Nolan’s quar­tet of wholly orig­i­nal visions. Insom­nia, a safe remake of the far more incen­di­ary Nor­we­gian orig­i­nal, now seems like a detour, a pay­ing of dues to enter the main­stream. His pair of Bat­man fran­chise entries injected a mod­icum of psy­cho­log­i­cal real­ism into the pulp source mate­r­ial, but the grimly pon­der­ous weight of it all was per­haps more than it could bear. For my money, nobody other than Tim Bur­ton has man­aged to find the right mix­ture of camp and solem­nity that makes up Batman.

While Incep­tion may have some sur­face resem­blance to numer­ous heist, caper, long con, action, and sci­ence fic­tion films, it is nev­er­the­less a very wel­come New Thing. Its deep­est the­matic links are prob­a­bly to cere­bral sci-fi med­i­ta­tions Solaris and Until the End of the World. The night­mare planet in Andrei Tarkovsky’s Solaris haunted vis­i­tors with imper­fect rein­car­na­tions of their most emo­tion­ally sig­nif­i­cant oth­ers. When a griev­ing astro­naut is reunited with his ersatz wife, long dead of sui­cide, is it a bless­ing or a curse?

Inception“A sin­gle idea from the human mind can build cities. An idea can trans­form the world and rewrite all the rules.”

Wim Wen­ders’ Until the End of the World posits a future in which dream-reading tech­nol­ogy would be enor­mously addic­tive, psy­cho­log­i­cally dam­ag­ing, and per­ma­nently alter soci­ety. If a tech­nol­ogy is ever invented for a group of peo­ple to not only enter an individual’s dreams but also to con­struct the dream­world itself, how plau­si­ble it is that soci­ety would not be rad­i­cally trans­formed? In Incep­tion, Dom Cobb (Leonardo DiCaprio) is a mas­ter at cor­po­rate espi­onage. His exper­tise is with a process nor­mally uti­lized for the “extrac­tion” of trade secrets, but inverted to incep­tion: to implant an idea, a task which proves to hold mas­sive sig­nif­i­cance to Cobb. Like a drug, we’re told, these machines grad­u­ally seep away users’ abil­ity to dream on his or her own. We glimpse a sort of opium den in which burned-out dream junkies go to re-experience the nor­mal­ity of not only dream­ing, but more impor­tantly, wak­ing up from dreams. Wen­ders’ The End of Vio­lence would sim­i­larly look at another dystopian future in which global sur­veil­lance is taken to its log­i­cal extreme.

Inception’s action sequences beg com­par­i­son to every­thing from James Bond, Jason Bourne, and Mis­sion: Impos­si­ble. Its cre­ative fight sequences, tak­ing place in vir­tual are­nas in which the laws of time and grav­ity are fluid, recall The Matrix. But the true nar­ra­tive and struc­tural tem­plate is much more along the lines of long-con tale much loved by David Mamet (par­tic­u­larly Homi­cide and Red­belt) and heist films Rififi, Thief, and Heat, in which a crack team of crim­i­nal experts work with a psy­cho­log­i­cally dam­aged leader on a high-stakes One Last Job.

The blood­less mas­sacre of hordes of armed thugs seems designed to resem­ble video games. The obliquely por­trayed vio­lence is partly explained by a PG-13 rat­ing that hyp­o­crit­i­cally per­mits dozens of onscreen shoot­ings, but dis­al­lows blood, and thus any sense of the reper­cus­sions and ram­i­fi­ca­tions of vio­lence. But in the world of the film, the thugs are explained to be man­i­fes­ta­tions of the sub­con­scious. A slight-of-hand moral­ity magic trick that makes it OK for our heroes to mow them down with machine guns and grenades (again, this flashes back to The Matrix, in which the good guys ratio­nal­ize away their mass killing of vir­tual avatars).

Marion Cotillard in Inception“You mustn’t be afraid to dream a lit­tle big­ger, darling.”

Incep­tion had already devel­oped a rep­u­ta­tion as a mind-bender even before release, but I found it to be sur­pris­ingly straight­for­ward if you pay a lit­tle bit of atten­tion. If you choose to take the film at face value, pretty much every­thing you need to know is spelled out for you, often in frankly lit­eral expo­si­tion (usu­ally in exchanges with Ellen Page’s inquis­i­tive char­ac­ter). The key ambi­gu­ity is a sim­ple but pro­found ques­tion raised in its final moments. Inter­preted one way, the film neatly wraps itself up in an air­tight box (which is extra­or­di­nary in and of itself, when most big-budget movies often fail to make log­i­cal sense). Inter­preted another way, it calls into ques­tion every­thing you’ve seen.

This moment hinges on Cobb’s totem, a per­sonal item that each dream-traveller must rely upon to detect whether or not they are awake. Both Cobb and Arthur (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) warn Ari­adne (Ellen Page) to never allow any­one else to touch hers. But Cobb also freely admits that his totem first belonged to his wife Mol (Mar­ion Cotil­lard). Com­pli­cat­ing mat­ters, unless I missed some­thing, we never see her with it out­side of the dream world. The top had sym­bolic mean­ing to Mol, for she locked it up in a metaphor­i­cal safe in her dreams. Cobb then uses it to plant the notion in her head that the dream world is not real, in order to encour­age her to break her addic­tion and wake up with him. If the top was real, would she not be able to test her­self with it when she woke up?

One fur­ther clue that sug­gests much of what we saw may be Cobb’s dream: if he and Mol lived the equiv­a­lent of 50 years in Limbo, sev­eral lev­els deep into their sub­con­scious, why do they seem to only wake up through one level of dream­ing? Is Cobb still trapped a few lev­els down?

Ellen Page in Inception“Dreams feel real while we’re in them. It’s only when we wake up that we real­ize some­thing was actu­ally strange.”

And one won­ders about the implau­si­ble dream tech­nol­ogy itself. It’s offhand­edly said to have been devel­oped by the mil­i­tary for train­ing pur­poses, but very lit­tle time is spent on the mechan­ics of the tech­nol­ogy. Some sort of IV is involved in the process of link­ing peo­ple together, but how exactly does an Archi­tect cre­ate and real­ize the world? We see Ari­adne fid­dle with papier-mâché mod­els, and ver­bally describe the world to the par­tic­i­pants, but we’re also told that the archi­tect need not nec­es­sar­ily enter the dream per­son­ally, so it’s not her men­tal map that makes things pos­si­ble. If the agents are able to con­jure things on the fly (Eames pro­duces a grenade launcher out of thin air, and Ari­adne folds a city in half), why do they not take more advan­tage of their effec­tively unlim­ited abil­i­ties dur­ing the heist? Cobb makes a big deal out of a prospec­tive archi­tect being able to devise labyrinths, some­thing like a video game level designer. But Ariadne’s work is lit­er­ally short-circuited and we never see a dra­matic pay­off to the theme of mazes.

Ray Brad­bury once said that he was not con­cerned with the mechan­ics of inter­stel­lar travel; if a story he wished to tell required a rocket ship to ferry char­ac­ters to another world, that was good enough for him. So is it pedes­trian of me to won­der about these prac­ti­cal­i­ties, or do these ques­tions actu­ally mat­ter a great deal? Is the lack of speci­ficity about how this mirac­u­lous tech­nol­ogy actu­ally works a clue? I believe it is linked to the trou­bling ambi­gu­ity of Cobb’s desire to “go home.” Does he sim­ply want to clear his name so he can re-enter his home coun­try, or does he want to plunge deeper into his fan­tasy? Is he actu­ally guilty of a crime like Roman Polan­ski, or merely obsessed with indi­rect cul­pa­bil­ity like Kelvin in Solaris or Teddy in Shut­ter Island? Either way, he may have the oppor­tu­nity to con­struct a false real­ity in which he can absolve himself.

I believe Incep­tion is one for the ages, and not just because it has been endorsed by Al Gore. Like 2001: A Space Odyssey and Blade Run­ner, it’s the rare sci­ence fic­tion film likely to remain well-regarded for years.

Ran­dom Observations:

  • How many heist movies have you seen in which the mas­ter thief attempts the myth­i­cal One Last Job before retiring?
  • Despite Leonardo DiCaprio sport­ing Nolan’s own hair­cut, Incep­tion might suf­fer in com­par­i­son to his some­what sim­i­lar char­ac­ter in his most recent film, Shut­ter Island. Two thrillers in a row about a man wracked with guilt over his dead spouse.
  • Wikipedia puts the bud­get at $160 mil­lion, plus a $100 mil­lion pub­lic­ity cam­paign. As usual, these num­bers make my head spin. But at least this time the result is a strong movie.
  • Like Paul Thomas Ander­son, Nolan has devel­oped his own per­sonal actors’ troupe. Incep­tion fea­tures return appear­ances by Michael Caine, Ken Watan­abe, Cil­lian Murphy.

Offi­cial movie site: www.inceptionmovie.com

Pre-order the Blu-ray or DVD from Ama­zon and kick back a few pen­nies to The Dork Report.totem


Surrogates

Surrogates movie poster

 

Sur­ro­gates is an ele­gantly lit­eral twist on the clas­sic sci-fi theme of liv­ing through avatars. Cyber­punk writ­ers William Gib­son and Neal Stephen­son pio­neered vir­tual real­ity as a set­ting for the dra­matic exag­ger­a­tion of issues first sparked by the very begin­nings of inter­net chat rooms. Their pre­dic­tions have already come true, in part, in the form of social net­work­ing and immer­sive games like Sec­ond Life and World of War­craft. Sur­ro­gates takes this con­ceit one step fur­ther, but fails to address moss of the ques­tions it raises. To look deeper than I think the film sup­ports, you might start to think about the per­sonas we craft for our­selves in dif­fer­ent con­texts, how we dress and behave in the pri­vacy of our homes ver­sus how we do at work or play.

Rosamund Pike in Surrogates

Directed by Jonathan Mostow (of the excel­lent nail-biter Break­down, but also the dud Ter­mi­na­tor 3: Rise of the Machines), the film is based on the comic book The Sur­ro­gates by Robert Ven­ditti and Brett Weldele. The premise requires a long, involved pro­logue nec­es­sary just to explain it. This very near future is defined by the tech­nol­ogy for remote-controlled androids, which are not unlike cars: afford­able enough for the major­ity of the pop­u­la­tion to own one, avail­able in tiered mod­els that reflect your income and taste, and a way of life ingrained into soci­ety just as much as cars have shaped cities and the high­ways that net­work them together.

Taken to its log­i­cal extreme, a world pop­u­lated by remote con­trolled robots affects every­thing from the work­place to war­fare. Beauty par­lors have mor­phed into some­thing like hi-tech auto repair shops, where peo­ple trick their sur­ro­gates out with new rub­ber faces and super-strong limbs. Patriot Act-like mass sur­veil­lance is con­ducted through the robots’ very eyes, with­out their own­ers’ per­mis­sion, in an impossible-to-miss metaphor for Bush-era war­rant­less wire­taps. War is now a death­less abstract resem­bling a com­puter game: face­less drones teem dis­tant bat­tle­grounds in a sick par­ody of today’s air­borne Preda­tor drones and precision-guided mis­siles. Notice also the spot­less art direc­tion: every­thing is clean because robots don’t eat or litter.

When so much of the fic­tional ram­i­fi­ca­tions are thought out, it’s dis­ap­point­ing when so many other obvi­ous impli­ca­tions are left unclear. We’re told the crime rate has fallen dra­mat­i­cally since most peo­ple started liv­ing through robot sur­ro­gates, but why, nec­es­sar­ily? Per­haps because there’s no such thing as rap­ing or mur­der­ing a robot. But why do FBI agents have such lux­u­ri­ous homes, if their jobs are less nec­es­sary in this utopia?

Radha Mitchell and Bruce Willis in Surrogates

One inter­est­ing wrin­kle barely touched upon is that some char­ac­ters, includ­ing Greer (Bruce Willis) and his wife Mag­gie (Rosamund Pike), have selected sur­ro­gates mod­eled on their own nat­ural phys­i­cal appear­ances. Younger, stronger, and more vir­ile, per­haps, but rec­og­niz­ably their ide­al­ized like­nesses. There are only a few exam­ples of users that opt to mix race and/or gen­ders, let alone go to fur­ther extremes. The most out­wardly unusual look­ing sur­ro­gates we see merely have impos­si­ble com­plex­ions. Per­haps the Greers are not fully com­mit­ted to liv­ing this way. Why not explore this point more? A fail­ure of the imagination.

But by far the biggest absur­dity is the claim that 98% of the pop­u­la­tion lives through sur­ro­gates. The film would have been bet­ter off by side­step­ping the ques­tion of whether or not much of the pop­u­la­tion could afford state-of-the-art con­sumer elec­tron­ics. If only a por­tion of the pop­u­la­tion in 2010 has access to things like health care and broad­band, it’s cer­tainly absurd to pre­tend for even a silly sci-fi movie that we all might some day be able to afford per­sonal robots. But then again, there are hun­dreds of mil­lions of cars in use world­wide today, so per­haps it is not that out­ra­geous to hypoth­e­size that some­day we all might be remotely pilot­ing some kind of robot around all day every day.

While many other peo­ple, includ­ing his wife, choose to live life through their sur­ro­gates, FBI agents are given tur­bocharged loaner mod­els in some kind of perk akin to today’s com­pany cars. Greer behaves dif­fer­ently as him­self or when work­ing through his sur­ro­gate. He spouts tough, sar­cas­tic, noir-ish detec­tive dia­logue when work­ing, but turns meek and emo­tional when liv­ing as a “meatball.”

Ving Rhames and James Cromwell appear in dis­ap­point­ing fleet­ing roles. Rosamund Pike is obvi­ously very beau­ti­ful, but her wide cir­cu­lar glassy eyes frankly look slightly odd from cer­tain angles, mak­ing her an excel­lent cast­ing choice.

There are fewer android-related spe­cial effects than you might imag­ine, espe­cially when com­pared to West­world (read The Dork Report review), The Step­ford Wives, Alien, and A.I., all of which revel in reveal­ing robotic guts beneath rub­ber skin (images one might even fetishize as a lit­eral “cyber­porn”). Rather, the film’s best spe­cial effect is when a sur­ro­gate deac­ti­vates and comes to a com­plete halt. I can’t guess how it was done, but it’s clearly more com­pli­cated than sim­ply freez­ing the frame. It’s very eerie to see a per­son, how­ever artificial-seeming, sim­ply and silently freeze as the light of life goes out of their eyes.

A osten­ta­tious dan­gling plot thread about Greer’s dead son goes nowhere. Even the rev­e­la­tion of what caused his death is a mis­fire, and has no impact upon the story. Why would a painful loss in the fam­ily com­pel the Greers to live vir­tual lives? Every­one else is only doing it because they want to appear attractive.

The final moments are lame and non-dramatic, rely­ing on unseen news­cast­ers to explic­itly out­line the themes of the movie, for the slower mem­bers of the audi­ence, perhaps.


Offi­cial movie site: www.chooseyoursurrogate.com

Buy the DVD or Blu-ray from Ama­zon and kick back a few pen­nies to The Dork Report.


Sass and Kick Ass: James Bond: Casino Royale (2006)

Casino Royale movie poster

 

Para­dox­i­cally for one of the fresh­est James Bond films ever made, Mar­tin Campbell’s Casino Royale (2006) is actu­ally the third adap­ta­tion of the character’s debut in Ian Fleming’s 1953 novel. After a largely for­got­ten 1954 TV movie in which “Jimmy” Bond was awk­wardly Amer­i­can­ized, the same premise was par­o­died in a 1967 farce bear­ing the same name, a expen­sive all-star dis­as­ter fea­tur­ing good sports David Niven, Peter Sell­ers, Orson Welles, and Woody Allen. Mean­while, the par­al­lel and ongo­ing flood of proper Bond films aban­doned the tainted Casino Royale, leav­ing it never sat­is­fac­to­rily pre­sented on film. For most, Bond seemed born fully-formed as Sean Connery’s supremely suave secret agent in 1962’s Dr. No. But where did Her Majesty’s most ruth­less ser­vant come from?

By 2006, the James Bond fran­chise had endured 20 movies and five lead actors (and that’s just count­ing the canon­i­cal install­ments), tes­ta­ment enough that it has been no stranger to inno­va­tion. The most recent over­haul was Gold­en­eye (1995), which intro­duced Pierce Bros­nan along­side an incre­men­tally more pro­gres­sive atti­tude towards women. New-style “Bond Girls” like Michelle Yeoh were still dan­ger­ously sexy, but as adept with salty dia­logue, grap­pling hooks, and AK-47s as the title char­ac­ter him­self. Bond could no longer cheer­fully ignore his stuffy bureau­cratic boss M when played by the impe­ri­ous Judy Dench, and Miss Mon­eypenny (Saman­tha Bond) was no longer a frump long­ing for Bond from afar, but rather a sassy foil rock­ing the sexy sec­re­tary look. Sig­nif­i­cantly, the one thing that didn’t change much at all was Bond him­self. The many women in his life may have gained greater lee­way to sass and kick ass, but he him­self was still the same old sex­ist dinosaur. In ret­ro­spect, the Bros­nan films now look like just more of the same.

Daniel Craig in Casino RoyaleSay hello to my lit­tle friend

Proper Bond films enjoyed many high points over the years, but the fran­chise was very nearly ren­dered obso­lete by two very dif­fer­ent spy trilo­gies: Austin Pow­ers (whose satire was wholly redun­dant after the 1967 Casino Royale) and Jason Bourne. Start­ing in 2002, the lat­ter did Bond one bet­ter, per­ma­nently super­charg­ing the secret-agent genre with vis­ceral urgency, per­sis­tent action, mod­er­ately real­is­tic psy­chol­ogy, and most cru­cially, grant­ing the main char­ac­ter a capac­ity for love. Bourne (Matt Damon) was a man of con­science, wracked by crip­pling self-doubt and guilt. He may have been capa­ble of spec­tac­u­lar feats of killing, but resented the cir­cum­stances that forced him to use those skills in order to sur­vive, or more impor­tantly, to pro­tect or avenge his loved ones. He didn’t manip­u­late women for intel­li­gence and sex­ual grat­i­fi­ca­tion as Bond rou­tinely would, but rather formed an emo­tional attach­ment with one in par­tic­u­lar that would moti­vate his actions for an entire trilogy.

Once the def­i­n­i­tion of high-gloss action thrillers, Bond was now on the defen­sive. The time was right in 2006 for its most rad­i­cal reboot yet. The pro­duc­ers retired Bros­nan (The Man With the Golden Para­chute?) and under­went an exten­sive retool­ing of not just the series’ visual style but its core char­ac­ters and mythos. But how much can you tweak Bond until he’s no longer the spy we love?

The tra­di­tional pre-credit action sequence still exists, but Casino Royale dis­cards candy-coated Tech­ni­color for a grainy, styl­ized black-and-white noir style. Start­ing chrono­log­i­cally at the begin­ning, we see Bond exe­cute his first two kills, ful­fill­ing his final qual­i­fi­ca­tion for “double-oh” MI-6 sta­tus. Long­time Bond fans were also mol­li­fied by another grand tra­di­tion that imme­di­ate fol­lowed: a motion graph­ics title sequence fea­tur­ing a bevy of semi-nude female sil­hou­ettes. This par­tic­u­lar ani­ma­tion, with its stark red and black vec­tor graph­ics, may have pro­vided inspi­ra­tion for the open­ing titles of the 2007 tele­vi­sion series Mad Men. Unfor­tu­nately, Chris Cornell’s lame, tune­less song “You Know My Name” nearly ruins it.

Eva Green in Casino RoyaleYou noticed…

Fur­ther com­fort­ing con­ti­nu­ity with the pre­vi­ous instal­la­tions comes via ridicu­lous amounts of high-end prod­uct place­ment (cars, watches, sun­glasses, etc.) and a globe-trotting series of loca­tions (Uganda, Mada­gas­car, Bahamas, Miami, Mon­tene­gro, and Venice). Casino Royale also doesn’t fail to over-egg the pud­ding in terms of its vil­lain. Le Chiffre (Mads Mikkelsen) is scarred and asth­matic, with irri­tated tear ducts that seep blood. It was enough to sig­nify evil in the old days that the bad­die merely have metal teeth or a fluffy kitty cat.

But that’s where the con­ces­sions to Bond tra­di­tion end. To dis­cuss what’s new, let’s start with Bond him­self. No mat­ter how much testos­terone fan-favorite Sean Con­nery exuded, he could still be slightly effete, fuss­ing over van­i­ties and crea­ture com­forts like a well-prepared mar­tini. The Roger Moore era played up the tongue-in-cheek aspect of the series, but gor­geous women falling into bed with the frankly rather old, limp Moore was implau­si­ble at best. The suave Bros­nan was born to play the clas­sic ver­sion of Bond, but he wasn’t get­ting any younger as his films became as overblown and science-fictiony as the worst excesses of the Moore period. (I haven’t seen any of the Tim­o­thy Dal­ton or George Lazenby films, so I can’t com­ment on them.) Daniel Craig may not be the most macho Bond (Con­nery remains fandom’s favorite, for good rea­son), but he is clearly the most brutish and mas­cu­line. Younger, furi­ous, and buff, he’s a giant slab of man. In a hilar­i­ously clever inver­sion of tra­di­tion, Bond now bares more flesh than any of his female com­pan­ions, espe­cially in an instantly iconic shot of him strid­ing out of the ocean just barely wear­ing a scanty swim­suit. This Bond is almost absurdly phys­i­cally fit, a park­our expert, and gets painfully bruised and scarred in fights. The days of Bond walk­ing away from fisticuffs and fire­balls with nary a hair or bowtie astray are over.

Caterina Murino in Casino RoyaleWait… there was another Bond girl besides Eva Green?

21st Cen­tury Bond Girls are smarter and more proac­tive than ever, but not at the expense of being drop-dead gor­geous and at least half the age of the cur­rent lead actor. In this Dork Reporter’s esti­ma­tion, Eva Green as Ves­per Lynd ought to go down in his­tory as one of the great­est yet. She may not be as phys­i­cally adept at action as Michelle Yeoh, but she is one of the most beau­ti­ful. Best of all, she’s enjoy­ably con­ceived by writ­ers Neal Purvis, Robert Wade, and Paul Hag­gis as a true foil for the naughty double-entendres that still roll off this Bond’s tongue. She made such a strong impres­sion on me, that when rewatch­ing the film on DVD, I real­ized I had for­got­ten all about the other Bond Girl, Cate­rina Murino as Solange Dim­itrios. Her char­ac­ter pro­vides for a quick throw­back to retro Bond; he flirts with her solely for infor­ma­tion and then cru­elly aban­dons her to cer­tain death.

The thrilling film down­shifts for a long poker sequence, with no mercy shown for any­one who doesn’t under­stand the game (like, say, me). There does seem to have been a mis­cal­i­bra­tion how­ever, dur­ing one scene where even I could sense Le Chiffre was double-bluffing an obliv­i­ous Bond.

Dench is the only return­ing player from the Bros­nan era, but her char­ac­ter is now part ruth­less boss and part tough-love mother fig­ure. The one con­ven­tion of the clas­sic, sil­lier Bond sto­ries that I do miss is Q (Desmond Llewe­lyn) and his won­der­ful inven­tions. The high­light of every Con­nery, Moore, or Bros­nan film for me was always the cus­tom­ary stroll through Q’s lab as his lat­est pro­to­types mal­func­tion in amus­ingly lethal man­ners. I would cheer­fully recite along with Q’s scold­ing catch­phrase “Oh Bond, do pay attention.”

When­ever I see any Bond film, I’m always sur­prised at how enthu­si­as­ti­cally he lives up to his “license to kill” rep­u­ta­tion. The body count is always high, but Casino Royale is even more vio­lent than most. What dif­fer­en­ti­ates it is the time spent dwelling on the after­math, includ­ing Bond hav­ing to hide bod­ies instead of sim­ply strolling away from the car­nage with­out reper­cus­sions. There’s also a fleet­ing dash of crude moral­ity rarely if ever seen in the series; Bond must awk­wardly com­fort Ves­per, trau­ma­tized by her cul­pa­bil­ity in one of Bond’s kills. And whereas old-school Bond vil­lains would merely threaten bod­ily harm with laser beams and taran­tu­las, Bond must now must face ugly, raw tor­ture (which is A-OK with the hyp­o­crit­i­cal MPAA’s notion of PG-13 movies, appar­ently — but that’s a rant for another time).


Offi­cial movie site: http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/casinoroyale/site/flash.html

Buy the DVD from Ama­zon and kick back a few pen­nies to The Dork Report.


Transporter 3

Transporter 3 movie poster

 

Trans­porter 3, pro­duced by Luc Besson and directed by Olivier Mega­ton, is an inter­na­tional prod­uct tai­lored for the Amer­i­can mar­ket. Despite its French locales, Ger­man cars, and adorably freck­led Ukrain­ian hot­tie, the hero and vil­lain are both quite Amer­i­can. The tit­u­lar Trans­porter is Frank Mar­tin (Jason Statham), a fighter and dri­ver par excel­lence who earns a lux­u­ri­ous but lonely exis­tence as an ask-no-questions courier. The events of his two pre­vi­ous mis­ad­ven­tures have reformed his amoral ways and loner habits, as evi­denced by his col­lab­o­ra­tive friend­ship with for­mer neme­sis Inspec­tor Tar­coni (François Berléand).

So in order for there to even be a Trans­porter 3, its plot must cor­ral this reformed man into a caper full of oppor­tu­ni­ties for car­nage and law­break­ing. The vil­lain­ous Amer­i­can John­son (Robert Knep­per) is con­ceived as Martin’s evil, less evolved twin: a mer­ce­nary like him, but unleav­ened by con­science. His ill-defined plan involves black­mail­ing Ukran­ian politi­cian Leonid Vasilev (Jeroen Krabbe) into allow­ing a giant cor­po­ra­tion to import a tanker full of bar­rels of toxic waste. At one point Mar­tin is men­aced by a truck full of the stuff on land, but the tanker hasn’t docked yet. Confusing.

Natalya RudakovaNatalya Rudakova in Trans­porter 3

Statham is this generation’s Jean-Claude Van Damme or Steven Segal. He’s already been type­cast as the tough loner in a con­stant series of b-movies (some more B than oth­ers, but The Bank Job is a step up), but usu­ally light­ens things up with a hint of Jackie Chan-esque self-deprecation. He’s impec­ca­bly tai­lored, lean, and fero­ciously fit, look­ing and mov­ing more like a gym­nast than the pre­vi­ous gen­er­a­tion of slow-moving body­builder action heroes. A good drink­ing game for any Statham film is to drink a shot every time his shirt comes off. You’re likely to get alco­hol poi­son­ing in this case.

One of the rea­sons I enjoy pro­ducer Luc Besson’s Trans­porter fran­chise is that I dis­like being expected to applaud the typ­i­cal movie action hero that stands back and shoots bad guys from afar. This applies to pretty much any Stal­lone and Schwarzeneg­ger film, but is also true of even James Bond (in which his fabled license to kill often trans­lates into mow­ing down rooms full of extras with machine gun fire — or in the case of Moon­raker, laser pis­tols) and Indi­ana Jones (audi­ences applaud him for shoot­ing a scimitar-wielding bad­die in Raiders of the Lost Ark, but really, is that fair?). In stark con­trast, Mar­tin almost never uses any weapon other than his own phys­i­cal­ity. Most of the vio­lence in the Trans­porter films is in the acro­batic, blood­less rock ‘em sock ‘em style of kung-fu flicks, lib­er­ally sea­soned with impres­sive auto­mo­bile car­nage. The first few min­utes of Trans­porter 3 fea­ture a sig­na­ture sequence in which Mar­tin dis­patches a room full of armed bad­dies using no tools save his own suit jacket. But I was star­tled to see Mar­tin actu­ally exe­cute a few evil­do­ers later in the film, some­thing I don’t recall him doing in the pre­vi­ous two. It’s wholly out of char­ac­ter, and spoils the fun.

Jason Statham in Transporter 3It’s never long before Jason Statham’s shirt comes off

What dooms Trans­porter 3 to be the worst of the fran­chise is that there are sim­ply not enough action sequences, and what few there are are unin­spired. I recall only two more notable action sequences: in one, Mar­tin is teth­ered to his car by an explo­sive device (just roll with it), and must catch up to it on foot after it is stolen. Later, he launches it off a bridge onto the top of a speed­ing train, and then from there smashes it into the body of a detached pas­sen­ger car. For a movie so con­cerned with car chases, prod­uct it doesn’t help the audi­ence when most of the vehi­cles are dic­tated by prod­uct place­ment to be the same brand (Audi) and color (black with tinted windows).

The awk­ward, eyebrow-raising end­ing to Trans­porter 2 left it up in the air as to whether Mar­tin is gay or just an extreme loner. Sur­pris­ingly, Trans­porter 3 actu­ally revives that ques­tion and makes it its key sub­ject. When Vasilev’s hot freck­led daugh­ter Valentina (Natalya Rudakova) comes on to him, Mar­tin protests he’s “not in the mood” but cer­tainly, absolutely, pos­i­tively, no way no how, def­i­nitely not gay, how could you even ask, good grief. Well, that set­tles that ques­tion, in an rather dis­ap­point­ingly con­ven­tional man­ner. So the end of the film finds Mar­tin not only recon­firmed as a good guy, but also in a steady het­ero­sex­ual rela­tion­ship. A key com­po­nent of both the James Bond and Jason Bourne char­ac­ters is that their great­est loves were mur­dered, so they choose to be emphat­i­cally alone. Where can Besson take Frank Mar­tin in another sequel? Don’t expect Valentina to last long into Trans­porter 4.


Offi­cial movie site: www.transporter3film.com

Buy the DVD from Ama­zon and kick back a few pen­nies to The Dork Report.


Mutant Mayhem: X-Men

X-Men movie poster

 

On a whim, this Dork Reporter decided to rewatch X-Men and found it sur­pris­ingly good, even bet­ter than I remem­bered from my first view­ing almost 10 years ago. I used to be a comics fan, and read most of Chris Clare­mont and John Romita Jr.‘s lengthy run on The Uncanny X-Men series in the mid-80s. Even though I had long since stopped read­ing comics reg­u­larly by the time the movie was announced in 2000, I recall being con­vinced there was no way a live-action X-Men movie could not be a ridicu­lous folly. But I went to see it partly out of mor­bid curios­ity and partly out of a sense of duty as an ex-fan (see what I did there?). As it turned out, writer David Hayter and direc­tor Bryan Singer’s expert adap­ta­tion of the Mar­vel Comics source mate­r­ial turned out more fun, clever, and excit­ing than it had any right to be. Most wel­come of all, it is fre­quently laugh-out-loud funny (in a good way), a key ingre­di­ent unfor­tu­nately lack­ing in the mostly humor­less (but still pretty good) sequel X2: X-Men United (2003).

Hayter and Singer man­aged to dig up every ounce of sub­text baked into the X-Men mythos by orig­i­nal writer Stan Lee and artist Jack Kirby. At its heart, the X-Men series was essen­tially a nev­erend­ing sci-fi soap opera with a noble moral of pro­gres­sive social aware­ness. The weirdo super­heroes that make up The X-Men are “mutants,” born of human par­ents but with super­hu­man pow­ers typ­i­cally man­i­fest­ing dur­ing ado­les­cence. Prior to Lee and Kirby’s inno­va­tion, comics’ super­hero tem­plates were either extrater­res­tri­als like Super­man or ordi­nary humans with arti­fi­cially gained super­pow­ers like Spider-Man (mere mor­tals Bat­man and Iron Man don’t count, no mat­ter how inor­di­nately dri­ven to fight injus­tice). Unlike the phys­i­cal ideal Super­man, most of Lee and Kirby’s mutants did not view their pow­ers as gifts, and some were out­right monsters.

Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen in X-MenThe Royal Shake­speare Com­pany mutants face off

The X-Men for­mula also incor­po­rates deeper themes of racism, xeno­pho­bia, and even evo­lu­tion. Indeed, the entire premise is built upon the the­ory of evo­lu­tion: as mul­ti­ple species of humans walked the earth simul­ta­ne­ously hun­dreds of thou­sands of years ago, so too do humans now find them­selves shar­ing the earth with arguably the next branch of homo sapi­ens’ evo­lu­tion: known in the comics as “homo supe­rior.” Car­ried through to the next log­i­cal con­clu­sion, this mutant minor­ity is feared and demo­nized as freaks by the humans that vastly out­num­ber them.

The X-Men’s sym­pa­thetic antag­o­nist Erik Lehn­sh­err (Ian McK­ellen) is a sur­vivor of a Ger­man con­cen­tra­tion camp. The hor­rors he expe­ri­enced at the hands of those that hated his race (but didn’t yet real­ize he was actu­ally a dif­fer­ent species) in 1944 Poland inform his actions as the supervil­lain Mag­neto. As he lis­tens to con­tem­po­rary Amer­i­can politi­cians argue over how to con­tain and sup­press the increas­ing mutant pop­u­la­tion, he dis­gust­edly states “I’ve heard these argu­ments before.” His for­mer friend (and fel­low mutant) Charles Xavier (Patrick Stew­art) hopes to find a way to live in peace, and coun­ters “That was a long time ago. Mankind has evolved since then.” But Mag­neto is unyield­ing. “Yes. Into us.”

Hugh Jackman in X-MenTalk to the claws

The cru­cial fac­tor that had me sim­ply assume the movie would be ter­ri­ble was cast­ing. It’s not hard to imag­ine a young actor able embody Spider-Man’s secret iden­tity Peter Parker as a put-upon geek har­bor­ing tremen­dous reserves of guilt and right­eous­ness. But how do you cast Wolver­ine, a diminu­tive, half-animal Cana­dian super­sol­dier with ridicu­lous hair? Easy! You hire the tall, absurdly hand­some Aus­tralian studly song-and-dance man Hugh Jack­man. Against all odds, he totally nailed the fan-favorite char­ac­ter. The moment in the film when this for­mer X-Men comics fan decided that Jack­man suc­ceeded is a sequence in which he steals an X-motorcycle and dis­cov­ers a handy tur­bo­boost but­ton. The entire audi­ence at the New York Ziegfeld the­ater laughed heartily along with his undis­guised glee at its total awe­some­ness. This doubter was com­pletely sold.

Another cast­ing coup was the double-dose of Royal Shake­speare Com­pany grav­i­tas pro­vided by McK­ellen and Stew­art (both with exten­sive expe­ri­ence in fan­tasy and sci-fi genre mate­r­ial, as Gan­dalf in Lord of the Rings and Cap­tain Picard in Star Trek: The Next Gen­er­a­tion, respec­tively). Bruce Davi­son (as the xeno­pho­bic Sen­a­tor Robert Kelly) also has a long his­tory in sci­ence fic­tion, hav­ing starred in Willard and the influ­en­tial clas­sic The Lathe of Heaven.

Famke Janssen in X-MenJust don’t call her Mar­vel Girl

James Mars­den later proved him­self to be enter­tain­ingly charis­matic in Enchanted, but here he’s a vic­tim to the humor­less char­ac­ter of Cyclops. As Wolver­ine cor­rectly psy­cho­an­a­lyzes him, he’s a dick. Sim­i­larly, Famke Janssen isn’t given a whole lot to work with as the no-fun-please Dr. Jean Grey (known in the comics as Mar­vel GIrl, later to die and rise again as Phoenix in Brett Ratner’s crap sequel X-Men 3: The Last Stand — read The Dork Report review). But together with Jack­man, the trio brings alive the Wolverine/Cyclops/Phoenix love tri­an­gle drawn from the comics, help­ing to make the movie accessible.

The one real weak spot in the cast is Halle Berry. Like Jen­nifer Lopez in Steven Soderbergh’s Out of Sight, she seems to have only one real act­ing per­for­mance under her belt (Monster’s Ball, of course). Here she turns in one of her most bland and tone­less per­for­mances yet. For extra amuse­ment, be sure to catch the deleted scenes on the DVD edi­tion in which she can be heard affect­ing a weak pseudo-African accent. It’s a shame, because Storm was a very strong char­ac­ter in the comics around the time I read them. Writer Chris Clare­mont obvi­ously had an affec­tion for her, even pro­mot­ing her to leader of the X-Men.

Hugh Jackman and Anna Paquin in X-MenFero­cious mutant super-soldier Wolver­ine can really relate to Rogue’s teenage angst

Aside from cast­ing, I imag­ine the second-biggest obsta­cle fac­ing the film­mak­ers was how to intro­duce the com­plex X-Men uni­verse to main­stream audi­ences while pre­serv­ing its integrity to appease long­time fans. Hayter and Singer came up with the excel­lent solu­tion of hav­ing us meet Pro­fes­sor X and his X-Men through the eyes of new­bies Wolver­ine and Rogue (Anna “That’s my mother’s piano!” Paquin). Both are very dif­fer­ent char­ac­ters that share key com­mon expe­ri­ences that allow them to bond in a big brother / lit­tle sis­ter rela­tion­ship: Wolver­ine is a loner amne­siac unaware there are oth­ers like him, and Rogue is a young run­away iso­lated by par­tic­u­larly extreme pow­ers that pre­vent her from expe­ri­enc­ing nor­mal human inter­ac­tion. Almost any­one can iden­tify with the painful com­ing of age that comes with her exag­ger­ated ado­les­cence. A star­tling moment of pathos occurs between them when she sees him wield the fear­some metal claws sheathed in his fore­arms: “When they come out, does it hurt?” “Every time.”

On an even more prac­ti­cal level, the film­mak­ers came up with an inge­nious solu­tion to the comics char­ac­ters’ silly cos­tumes by hav­ing the movie X-Men wear more pho­to­genic uni­forms. Cyclops’ joke about yel­low and orange span­dex is an easter egg for fans: Wolver­ine sports such an ensem­ble in the comics. Best of all, the req­ui­site action set pieces are jus­ti­fied by the char­ac­ters, not just the plot. For exam­ple, a big blow-out staged at a train sta­tion is the result of a heart­break­ing mis­un­der­stand­ing that causes Rogue to flee the longed-for safe haven she had only just discovered.

The fran­chise is now set to con­tinue with a tril­ogy of pre­quels includ­ing this summer’s X-Men Ori­gins: Wolver­ine, and rumored projects X-Men Ori­gins: First Class and X-Men Ori­gins: Mag­neto. But with the first of these wrack­ing up some notably awful reviews, it’s clear the first in the series will still stand as the best for some time.


Buy the DVD from Ama­zon and kick back a few pen­nies to The Dork Report.


Redbelt

Redbelt movie poster

 

Red­belt is writer/director David Mamet’s ode to jiu-jitsu, of which he him­self is report­edly a pur­ple belt. Mike Terry (Chi­we­tel Ejio­for) is a strug­gling black belt jiu-jitsu instruc­tor, one of the few remain­ing prac­ti­tion­ers of mar­tial art in its authen­tic Japan­ese ori­gins. The pro­fes­sional com­bat sport asso­ci­a­tion MMA (Mixed Mar­tial Arts) has tainted the mar­tial art with com­mer­cial­ism and spec­ta­cle akin to pro­fes­sional wrestling. In con­trast, Terry is a noble war­rior with an absolute code of honor, like Robert Scott (Val Kilmer) in Mamet’s Spar­tan (2004). Terry is a for­mer spe­cial forces sol­dier, with a past in one or both Gulf Wars he does not wish to dis­cuss. One of his favorite apho­risms becomes some­thing that he real­izes he must live up to him­self: “There is no sit­u­a­tion from which you can­not escape.” He’s a fear­some fighter, able to win a bar fight with­out throw­ing a sin­gle punch. But another of his apho­risms, “com­pe­ti­tion is weak­en­ing,” reflects his choice to teach self-confidence and reliance, not aggres­sive combat.

Chiwetel Ejiofor in Redbelt“Com­pe­ti­tion is weakening”

Like many of Mamet’s films, Red­belt fea­tures many of his reg­u­lar sta­ble of actors: Rebecca Pigeon (Mamet’s wife, who also per­formed the music), Ricky Jay, David Paymer, Joe Man­tegna, and a cameo from Ed O’Neil. Any­one famil­iar with Mamet’s films would know to sus­pect a char­ac­ter played by any one of these actors is up to some mis­chief, espe­cially if the lat­ter two are seen to be in any kind of col­lu­sion. Sig­nif­i­cantly for a playwright/writer/director known for his char­ac­ter­is­ti­cally dense dia­log, the last long sequence is mostly wordless.

Mamet states Red­belt is firmly in the fight film genre, sin­gling out the two recent exam­ples of Mil­lion Dol­lar Baby and Cin­derella Man. Like the superb Spar­tan, it’s also some­thing of a samu­rai movie. Just don’t call it a mar­tial arts or action flick. It also includes healthy doses of two other Mamet obses­sions: the long con and the cor­rup­tion inher­ent in busi­ness. The most obvi­ous advan­tage of the long con in sto­ry­telling terms is that it auto­mat­i­cally pro­vides a struc­ture for a fiendishly com­plex plot, as it did for both House of Games (1987) and The Span­ish Pris­oner (1997).

Emily Mortimer and Chiwetel Ejiofor in Redbelt“There is no sit­u­a­tion from which you can­not escape”

Mamet’s recur­ring theme of insti­tu­tional cor­rup­tion in the busi­ness world is prob­a­bly best expressed in Glen­garry Glen Ross (read The Dork Report review). But in his book Bambi Vs. Godzilla (2007) and movie State & Main (2000), Mamet reveals the one par­tic­u­lar busi­ness that fas­ci­nates him the most: Hol­ly­wood. As he states in the elec­tronic press kit included in the Red­belt DVD, moviemak­ing is a busi­ness like any other, but the par­tic­u­lars of its moral bank­ruptcy fas­ci­nate him. Terry is seduced by Hol­ly­wood as embod­ied by aging action star Chet Frank (Tim Allen). Frank first finds lever­age in the fact that Terry is broke, but also rec­og­nizes that he is is secretly pride­ful, and seeks approval and recog­ni­tion for the bur­den of honor he has been car­ry­ing for so long. These flaws make him manip­u­lat­able. Frank ini­tially seems to pro­vide the solu­tions to his prob­lems, but turns out to be the pre­cise inverse of his name: all empty promises, façades, scams, and pretense.

The two cor­rupt worlds of Red­belt are both hun­gry for meat: pro­fes­sional sports need fight­ers to run through the grinder, and the movie busi­ness eats up ideas as raw mate­r­ial for its prod­uct. They find both in Mike, and nei­ther wants to pay for what they try to take from him.


Offi­cial movie site: www.sonyclassics.com/redbelt

Buy the DVD from Ama­zon and kick back a few pen­nies to The Dork Report.